There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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