Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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