I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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