I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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