As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
