life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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