Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
