i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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