been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
