If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
