I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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