She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
