He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
