My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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