We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
