Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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