I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
