Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
