: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
