I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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