from now on my penis is your penis
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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