Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
