So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
