Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
