So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
