I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
