I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
