I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
