# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
