Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
