apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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