whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
