Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
