woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
