can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
