OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
