Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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