she woke up with a sticky ear
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
