I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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