just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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