I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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