Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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