His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
