you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
