thus making me awesome and them whores
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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