I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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