Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
