hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
