she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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