PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
