I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
