Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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