I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
