I want to walk on stilts...naked
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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