dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
