I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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