Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
