Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
