She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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