so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
