Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
