Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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