here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
