i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
