he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
