glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
