hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So many bounce houses so little time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
