I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
