Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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