3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
