I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
